130 Things California Will not Do

130 Things I shall not do.
1. I will not let Connecticut drive
2. Rule number 1 also applies to Massachusetts
3. Rule number 1 also applies to myself
4. I will not argue with myself During Dodgers-Giants game
5. Rule 4 also applies to a 49ers-Raiders game
6. I will not call DC a she-woman
7. Nor shall I attempt to cut off his hair
8. Nor shall I mention the war of 1812 around him
9. I will not come to a states meeting dressed as a superhero
10. On the subject of superheroes I will not scream "CAPTAIN AMERICA SUCKS" around Maryland to see what happens.  
11. The East Coast is not one massive orgy
12. Nor is Europe
13. I will not call DC Robin and Maryland Batman
14. I will not send England a fake Hogwarts acceptance letter
15. I will not call DC Robin and Maryland Batman
16. Nor will I send England a letter saying "All amusement park rides in Florida are free for British Citizens"  
17.I will not forget that crack is Illegal
18. I will not revive the "California Republic"
19. Because we all saw how long that lasted.
20. I shall not show the "Pure Michigan" videos to Ohio and Wisconsin
21. Because shit will hit the fan
22. I shall not steal Texas's hat
23. Because I most likely will get shot
24. I will not attempt to steal Ohio's Bandana
25. That will get me shot also
26. I will not sell people green brownies
27. I will not say "like" "OMG" "totally" or "Hella" just to piss off the other states
28. Hella is not a word
29. I will not call McDonalds "McDicks"
30. I do not think Poland is one of my citizens
31. I will not hit Texas with a baseball bat screaming "FEAR THE BEARD" while wearing a beard and a Giants hat.
32. I shall not bitch slap anyone if they say "What's In-n-out?"
33. I will also not bitch slap anyone if they say McDonalds is better than In-n-out
34. I will not come to a states meeting dressed as a skull
35. Then I will not proceed to scare the living shit out of the easterners
36. Then dance on the table
37. Even if it is Día de Muertos
38. I will not steal Washington's apples
39. I shall not attempt to set Illinois on fire
40. No matter how much of an asshole he acts like
41. While greeting Ohio I shall not say "Oh hi hoe"
42. I will not blame everything on Mexico
43. Rule above also applies to Southern California
44. New Jersey is not Snookie
45. No matter how orange she is
46. New Mexico's name is not "New Mexihoe"
47. Texas is not illegal
48. Idaho is not a hoe
49. I do not think Louisiana is a mini France
50. I will not shoot Mexico if he comes into my backyard
51. I will not argue with the Florida's about Disney
52. Even if Disney Land is hella better
53. And Disney world is just a cheap knock off
54. I will not steal from Alaska's house
55. That will result in death
56. I will not drink on Mondays
57. I will not call Washington state Washington D.C
58. I will not ask Pennsylvania and Maryland how DC was created
59. I will not pour the "seme powder" I stol- I mean barrowed from Japan on North Dakota
60. Cutting off Wisconsin's curl is not a good idea
61. I will not Photoshop a picture of Wisconsin and Illinois
62. The above will get me killed
63. I will not use the seme powder form rule 59 on Montana to create Mantana
64. I will not attempt to slip poison into Massholes Beer
65. No matter how much I hate his sports teams
66. South Carolina does not have Caterpillar brows
67. I will not take a state to Mt. Saint Helens and leave them their
68.  Rule 67 also applies to Death Valley
69. Rule 67 also applies to Oakland at night
70. I will not burst in when Montana and Texas are having alone time
71. After that I shall not scream "RIDE EM COWBOYS"
72. I will not burn a Packers jersey around Wisconsin to see what happens.
73.  I will not bitch slap you if you ask "How much do you charge?"
74. Go ask Idaho how much he charges
75. The above also applies to Nevada
76. I will not mention Oregon's Hippies
77. I will not flip out if someone mentions earthquake
78. I will not steal Hawaii's surfboard
79. I will not mention Twilight around Washington
80. Nor shall I mention that Stephenie Myeres is from Connecticut
81. I will not smack Iowa or Nebraska if they say corn one more time
82. Skiing hippies do not live in Colorado
83. Skiing Yeti's do
84. Idaho's name is not potato lord
85. Germany is
86. I will not mention the 4th of July around England
87. I will not mention that Arizona does not have a lawn
88. Nor will I mention that the drink Arizona comes from New York
89. I will not light Nevada on fire
90. Even if she lit me on fire first
91. I will not mention that Nevada's deserts have bodies of dead prostitutes buried under them
92. I will not laugh when the east coast has an earthquake
93. I will not steal Kentucky's KFC
94. I will not send Kansas and Oklahoma an earthquake
95. Missouri is not Illinois's wifu
96. No matter how much she wants to be
97. Utah is not a tit
98. I will not cover New York's room with Red Sox things.
99. The Dakotas are not secretly Canadian
100. I will not laugh when Mexico looses another boxing match to the Philippines.
101. I shall not say "Happy cows come from California" around Wisconsin
102. North Carolina does /not/ have swag
103. I will not mistake Delaware for a girl
104. Delaware's name is not Dele-where
105. I will not put Michigan and Ohio in a room and see what happens
106. Rule above also applies to Texas and Mexico
107. I will not ask England if he has visited Florida
108. Even if Florida claims that England did
109. I will not mention that Bruce lee was born in San Francisco
110. I will not proceed to start a war with Oklahoma because she has Chuck Norris
111. I will not steal the Kiwi Birds from New Zealand
112. I will not mention last year's super bowl to Pennsylvania
113. I will not show the "50 state stereotypes" video to everyone
114. I will not throw Sparkles on Washington and proceed to call her Edward Cullen
115. I will not play California gurls as loud as I can
116. I will not bitch slap someone if they think Los Angeles is my only city
117. I will not ask Virginia if she's a virgin
118. I will also not ask what Virginia's name will change to if France visits
119. I will not call Canada and say that the Dakotas ran from his house again, and that he needs to take them back
120. The rule above also applies to Arizona and Mexico
121. I will not get New Hampshire and Vermont mixed up
122. Maine is not Legolas
123. I will not mention that about 90% of the readers of this do not get that
124. Wisconsin's mind is not chilling in the gutter with mine
125. I will not forget that the states meeting room is not fireproof
126. I will not severely injure someone who suggests that California should split into NorCal and SoCal
127. I will not bitch slap anyone if they ask "How much did your boobs cost?"
128. I will not drink DC's water
129. Hawaii was not made from the Asian nation's orgy
130…….I regret nothing